Oingles The Blog

Celebrity For A Day

Posted on: July 18, 2011

Ever wanted to be a celebrity? Well, although you can’t walk around your own town pretending to be something you are not there is no reason one can’t spend one’s holidays under a guise that is not their own. Here are a few (not too serious) instructions as to how you can do so yourself, and on a budget too, so there’s no reason you can’t jet off to the south of France signing autographs at the weekend 🙂

Step 1:
Take your credit card and shoot off to the high street, you need to dress more or less like this: (with a pair of enormous, face blocking sunglasses too)

Pic: http://www.ministryoffashion.com

Step 2:
Get online and book yourself a pair of flights to one of the following destinations:
Cannes, Cote d’Azur, France
Marbella, Costa del Sol, Spain
Rome, Italy.
Zadar, Dalmation Coast, Croatia.

Now, it is of vital importance that you travel in coach, where there will be lots of ‘normal’ people to see you. Secondly, get whoever you are traveling with to carry their camera out-of-case, preferably around their neck and avoid talking to them too much. You need to walk into the queue, onto the plane, and into your seat with swagger – making sure that you are slow enough for everyone in the vicinity to notice you.

Step 3:
It doesn’t matter where you stay, your hotel room is just for the night and I advise you get the cheapest one you can so that you can spend more money being in the limelight. Spend the entire day perched on the beach, sunglasses firmly on face and have your camera-holding friend bring you drinks form the chiringuito. From midday onwards it is vital that you drink nothing other than cocktails. Ideally you will make loud comments about having to break up your drinking with ‘at least two litres of water per day for your skin’ and needing ‘an orange juice to take your vitamin supplements with’.

As for evening meals ensure that everyone sees you eating, and hears you ordering, a salad. A few comments about weight and image wouldn’t go amiss here. Make the salad last at least three hours. Follow it with coffee. During the meal drink wine, no matter how cheap, just make sure it is in an ice bucket so as to hide the label from any onlookers.

Walk around the street as much as possible, this lets more people see you. Getting onto the guest list at the biggest clubs in town is important, but it’s actually quite easy, just get in contact with the club manager the week before (you can get their numbers on the web, usually facebook) If you have someone call as your ‘agent’ they will often be happy to give you free guest list entry, with free champagne. I advise you revel in the experience of marching past the queue straight into the action.

Step 4:
Switch places with your friend for the second day and flight home, allowing them to be the celeb and you the camera flasher.

Try this a few times, don’t push it too far though. After a while you will reach perfection, getting discounts and free drinks pretty much everywhere. I personally do this every time I travel, although I have only tried the ‘camera holding friend’ trick once, and on that occasion I actually got asked about my life and what I was doing in Spain.

Last tips:

  • Never speak for yourself, always have your friend order for you
  • At all times you should  have a copy of Vogue, or Vogue Homme for the guys (even if you don’t actually read it)
  • Make constant references to previous trips you have made to Paris, the Caribbean and London.
  • Always be over dressed, no matter how hot.

So there you go, your 4 steps to being a celebrity in Europe 😉



1 Response to "Celebrity For A Day"

I wonder if that would work here in the US, probably not, they would throw garbage at me or something on the street hahaha.

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